Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I licked your asshole in confidence.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
