she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
