Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
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