you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
