Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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