Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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