I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
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one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
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Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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