she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize