Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
