I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
