I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
