That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
