I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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