You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
