Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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