is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
We just shotgunned beers for America
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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