in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
