3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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