So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
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having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
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Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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