This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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