I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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