Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
