Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just want to make out with him forever
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
