I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
