why didn't you poke me back
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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