he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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