hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
