He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
