He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
