Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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