never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
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First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
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Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize