Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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