I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
