If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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