My hair reeks of homosexuality.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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