why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
