Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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