I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
