I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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