I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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