it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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