The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
