so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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