you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He's a Shit stain on my heart
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
