the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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