My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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