he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
