I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
