Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
