Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
