Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
