I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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