I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
cat food counts as protein by the way
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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