the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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