I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
