I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
