I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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