I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
