Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
