hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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