that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
