Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
