She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
