Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Nicole vs. Life
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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