hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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