You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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