the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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